- Make eye contact. Eye contact is the best and easiest thing you can do to start flirting. You can look deeply into the person's eyes while also taking the time to break eye contact to keep things from getting too intense. Consider using it in these ways:
Smile. You'll probably smile automatically if you're talking to someone you like, but you can use your pearly whites to your advantage before the conversation even starts. You can even smile at the person when you pass him or her by in the halls, or just from across the room. You don't have to grin from ear to ear, either; just a simple, subtle smile will do the trick. Try these variations:
- Get caught looking. Don't stare, but do throw small glances at someone. Keep doing it until he or she catches you. Hold the gaze for a second, smile, and look away.
- Look into his or her eyes when you talk, particularly at meaningful points in the conversation (for example, while you're paying a compliment).
- Wink or raise your eyebrows at your crush. It's cheesy, but it works if used sparingly. Do it when you're looking at someone from across a room, or if you're talking in a group and say something really meant for him or her.
- Girls can try looking at a guy, lowering your gaze, and looking up at the guy again through lowered lashes.
Start talking. Introduce yourself — or maintain the mystery (optional). If you don't already know the person you're flirting with, an introduction (or lack of one) can be a great thing to build flirting around. Avoid the urge to have a cheesy pick-up line. Saying "Hi" followed by an introduction or a simple question is much more effective and less forced.
- Smile slowly. If you're looking at someone but not talking to them, try letting a slow smile spread over your face instead of breaking into an insta-grin. Slow, languid smiles are generally considered sexy.
- Smile when you make eye contact. If you're suddenly looking into someone's eyes, toss in a smile for extra appeal. (If it's a genuine smile, the other person will see it without even looking at your mouth — it will crinkle your eyes, and is known as a Duchenne smile.)
- Try smiling with your eyes, not just your mouth. Make your whole face light up when you smile.
Method 2Flirting by Texting or Chatting
- If your crush doesn't know your name and you're a naturally gregarious person, try introducing yourself at some point. It can be as simple as, "Hi, I'm [name]. And you are...?" Make sure you get the other person.
- Initiate a conversation. Whether you already know the other person or not, a conversation is the best way to move the flirtation forward. The person you're flirting with will be impressed by your boldness and confidence. Here are a few guidelines:
- Talk to someone you don't already know. Perhaps the best way to strike up a conversation is to start with an observation which ends with a question: "I can't believe how much it's rained this week" or "This place sure is packed, eh?" What you say isn't important — you are simply inviting the person to talk with you.
- Find common ground with someone you do know. If you've already met the other person, strike up a conversation based on a shared experience or interest. For instance, you might talk about a class you're taking together, or the train you both take to work. Again, the topic itself doesn't matter — what matters is that you're inviting him or her to interact with you.
- Gauge the response. If the person responds pleasantly, continue the conversation. If the person doesn't respond or seems preoccupied or disinterested, he or she probably isn't interested in flirting with you.
5Keep it light. Don't bring up anything too personal when you're talking. Talk about the environment around you, the show you just saw, etc. Keep personal information (such as religion, money, relationships, education, and so on) out of it, unless the person enjoys intellectual debates without becoming over-emotional. Generally, it's best to avoid debating topics personally relevant to either of you (such as either yours or their religion) and to rather discuss topics you both don't have a personal stake in.
- It's easier to flirt when you're talking about more fun and lighthearted topics, such as your pets, reality television, or your favorite vacation spots. This doesn't mean you have to dumb yourself down to flirt, but it does mean you have to relax and avoid the deep talk for a while.
- Be playful. Being playful means not taking yourself too seriously, being a bit silly, playfully hitting your crush, or talking about something slightly offbeat or unexpected. It also means not putting too much pressure on yourself over the course of the conversation.
6Use body language to communicate your intentions. Non-verbal cues can say a lot more about how you feel than what's actually coming out of your mouth, so make sure you're communicating how you feel. Try the following:
- Keep your stance "open." Don't cross your arms or legs, as these are generally signs that you wish to isolate yourself from the other person.
- Turn your body toward the other person. Stand or sit so that you're facing the person you're flirting up. Angle your torso toward him or her, or point your feet in that direction.
- Break the "touch barrier". Casually initiate physical contact by touching him or her on the forearm as you talk, or by "accidentally" walking too close and brushing up against the other person.
- Play with your hair (girls). Playing with your hair is usually a sign of nervousness, which is a good thing if you like the other person — you almost want him or her to know you're nervous because it means you're interested. To consciously communicate this, slowly twirl a strand of hair around your finger as you talk.
7Break the touch barrier. The first few times you touch your crush, be careful not to "trap" him or her. Depending on the area, the contact should be long enough to be more than accidental, but no more. Avoid grasping a hand or arm, and instead try gestures such as brushing an imaginary speck of dirt off of their arm, or "accidentally" touching feet or knees without pulling away.
- All of these touches can be rejected without humiliation or offense, so if your crush is not ready for that kind of contact, you will not be forcing them to reject you entirely.
8Compliment the other person early in the conversation. It might seem too forward, but letting him or her know you're interested in dating before a solid friendship begins is the easiest way to detour around the friend-zone. Get confident, and don't let the opportunity slip by — you never know when you'll get another one. Here are some techniques to try:
- Maintain eye contact while you're complimenting. Looking away might accidentally make you seem insincere.
- Lower the tone and volume of your voice slightly. Paying a compliment in a slightly lower register than your usual speaking voice makes it seem intimate and sexy. Plus, it might also coax the other person to come closer to hear you.
- Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If you know this person is dating (or interested in) someone else, you can use this to your advantage in a compliment.
- Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For instance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had a terrible day, you could say something like "I hate seeing someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I do to help?"
Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like it if you
notice her eyes, but she might label you as creepy if you say she has a
nice figure too soon. Play it safe and stick to these physical
9Keep your interactions short and sweet. Remember that the key to creating demand is making supply scarce, so try to limit your interactions with the object of your flirtations. Don't talk to him or her every single day. Make it a special event and save it for a few times a week.
- Don't let conversations drag on for more than 5 or 10 minutes. The longer they go on, the higher your odds of running into an awkward silence.
- Let the other person come to you. After you've put in the work of starting up the interaction and sparking an interest, pull back a bit and see if he or she seeks you out for an interaction. This can be a good way to gauge interest, as well as build tension.
10Close the deal. If your flirting has been successful so far, and you want to get to know the other person better, it's time to see if you can turn it into a date. Here are a few approaches:
- Ask if the other person has plans at a later date. For instance, you might say, "So, what are you up to on Saturday night?" Try to keep this an open question, instead of one that requires a yes or no answer — you'll get more information that way. Don't ask someone what he or she is doing tonight, or even tomorrow. Try to schedule the date a few days out so that you don't come off as overly desperate.
- Suggest a specific event and ask if he or she would like to come along. This is the best approach if you're trying to arrange a group date. You could say something like, "So a bunch of us were going to see a movie on Friday, and I'd really like it if you came with us."
- Be straightforward. If you're feeling extra confident, go in for the kill without any pretense. For instance, you could say something like, "I'd really love to take you on a date. When are you free?"
- Keep your approach casual. Don't let yourself get so nervous that you forget basic conversational skills. Instead, try to stay calm and open the conversation in a low-pressure way. If you've never chatted with the person online before, you may even find an excuse for talking to him, like asking a question about homework or talking about a sports team you both like. If you're texting a person for the first time, make sure he or she knows who you are and that they don't feel creeped out. Here are some ways to start a conversation through text or chatting:
Don't talk about yourself too much. The majority of people are most comfortable talking about themselves because it's a topic they know well. Instead of taking the easy way out and discussing you endlessly, encourage the other person to talk about him or herself. However, you can and should occasionally throw some personal facts in the person's direction to help them to ask questions about you in turn. The key is to leave it up to them to pursue an interest in things relevant to yourself.
- "Hey, how's it going?"
- "Did you see/hear [insert event you both know about here]?"
- "How's your week going?"
- This tactic actually serves two purposes: Not only does it keep the conversation going, but it allows you to find out more about your crush.
- You don't have to possess prior information about the other person
to do this step. If you don't know him or her very well yet, you can
- "How did your day go?"
- "So, what do you do with your free time?"